White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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