yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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