I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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