I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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