How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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