I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
