Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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