I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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