Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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