we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have feelings that need drinking.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
