this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
