How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
