what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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