it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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