look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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