Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
