You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
