I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
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Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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