Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
