he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
