For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
