In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
