Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
