I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
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You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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