oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize