the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
this beer tastes like vomit already
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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