last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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