i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
