i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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