It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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