We're facebook friends in real life
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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