yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
