Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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