OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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