He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
