I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
either way he was missing a nipple.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
