Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
