He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
