I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
