i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
