we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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