paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
