you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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