my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
