So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
