I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You are a genius and a whore.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
