hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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