its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
