So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
