Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
