THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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