question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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