So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
