OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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