my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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