we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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