Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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