there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
