Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
