I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
