is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
