Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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