are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
