...so i touched it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
