I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
