Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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