love makes seman taste better
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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