He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Acid is not a monday night drug
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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